The Journey

Today I was thinking... just pondering, rolling things around in my mind.... and I realized that this blog would be the place I would voice my thoughts, so to speak, for the time being.

However, now, in the latter part of the day, when I sit down to my computer and think to myself, "What was that that I was thinking of blogging about earlier today...?" I cannot remember. Maybe it was about Bible study this morning, but I don't think so. Maybe it was about life such as it is these days... recently starting a new job, how the kids are at this stage in the game, or possibly something about friendships, a new, more meaningful realationship with my women friends and what God is and has been doing in my life of late.

I have come to a place in life, by God's grace and continued precious work in my heart. He has taught me who I am in Him, or at least cleared much of the clutter off of my path with Him so that I have a better idea of who I am, of who He intended me to be when He thought of me before the foundation of the earth. I know He has much more to teach me but at least now I am not such a hindrance to my own growth. As a result of this, I desire and am able to function in deeper relationships with my friends. I didn't really have healthy relationships before our time in MT, I was too damaged and I had allowed my path to become so full of clutter that I couldn't see where I was going.
But God....
He is so good and kind and gentle and patient with me. He alone is sufficient for my heart.
It so happens that we lived in MT for this part of my teaching/journey with my Lord. He showed me things that were true about me, things that were not true about me, and things that were true but we could put an end to, Hallelujah and thank you, Jesus.
And a blessed result of this time is the ability to have closer relationships with friends. Which I experienced in MT with several women, whether they will endure our move back to ID I am not sure, a couple barely survive, one fairly strong. Apply lesson on some friendships being only for a time and a season or a place, not to endure. Accepted, sadly but accepted. I miss friends that I have had over the years but there is only One that I cannot live with out. Thank you for teaching me that one Lord.
I wish I could draw, because the visual that He gave me about my path with Him being cleared of so much rubble is so lovely. It is no longer so daunting, and though I am sure it will not be free of challenges and difficulties and tears, I do know that I am able to walk it now and I do not walk alone. Its almost cliche but I still had to learn it in a way that He could write it into my heart. It seems I learn things at one point and then some things I have to learn again later in a very personal way where my heart learns it and I am changed in some way.
Now I am ready to get real with some friends, authentic, deep, personal. I have talked about it with a couple and they are ready too. It seems I am not the only one who was caught up in trying to do the christian walk thing, trying too hard and then trying harder, not measuring up and very distracted by the measuring, until I was in so far over my head I couldn't be any kind of a blessing to anyone.
However my sweet Savior calls to my heart, over and over He whispers my name, in a song, in a teaching, in a Scripture, in a dear friend's hug, in a dearest friend's friendship itself! In an old acquaintence deepening friendship, in kindness, in beauty. How precious and dear is the sound of my Savior's call to my heart.... Adrian...Adrian...come My Daughter, come.
And the fog lifts, the anger fades, the smoke dissipates, the heaviness in my heart lightens, the frown on my mouth recedes, my entire face, neck and shoulders loosen... Lord, ah, Lord, help me, forgive me and help my unbelief. I have stumbled on something I dropped into my own path, help me Lord.
Lately He keeps using dear sweet women around me to call my name, to whisper to my heart... Adrian, see how your love her? It is Me in her that you love... turn to Me.
Oohhhh.... yes, Lord. Make me soft, may I be a blessing, I want to be sweet, I want to reflect You and Your beauty.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness in on her tongue."Proverbs 31:25-26

Pics

Ellie-jelly in her new dress... and Ron, Jake's bull mastiff.

John's grandma, his dad's mom, came to visit. She is The Sweetest Thing. And those soft-grandma-cheeks I mentioned, OY! How do they get those?!

Here is Mike and Amber, Isaac and Anna-bear with Grandma Mc. :)

And us with Grandma... minus Nate, who we miss terribly. He is on a mission trip with a youth group to Wyoming.

I've got a River of Life flowing out of me..

These beautiful lilies popped up out of nowhere and were a lovely surprise! It was fun to move into the house in the spring and be surprised by what was planted there. I am having great joy growing things here, how did I go so long without?! (I know, I wasn't strong enough to grow people and plants at the same time!) So while I am watering the garden and flower beds and directing the water, I find myself humming the River of Life song and it does my heart good.

You know Ellie, my 110% girlie-girl, enchanted by a pretty dress for as long as I can remember... all the way back to when she was so little it was a 'fwetty wess' and she wouldn't wear it until she twirled to see if it would 'fwing out'. Love her, absulutely adore her.

And my beautiful Phoebe even stepped into my wedding dress for a minute, she is my sentimental one and swears she wants to wear my dress when she gets married... Ellie said she wanted to, and I said sure, but you may change your mind between now and then and that is just fine, it won't hurt my feelings at all. We could even take the dress apart and you could each use pieces of it somehow, but Phoebe cried out, NO! You can't take it apart until I get to wear it!

Makes me ponder the future... and thank God again and again for my children.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

I love these people!:)

Some out-of-town family visited and it was so fun to see them! Ellie is with her cousin, Madi, and my cousin's daughter, Brielle, in the red pigtails. What fun!Look at those 3 lovely girls!

My mom's mom came up from Twin Falls also. It was so good to see her and kiss her dear cheeks, don't grandmas just have the absolute softest cheeks?! My grandma is the last of the older ones in her family, her parents passed many years ago, her husband died, her brother-in-law died and just this year her twin sister has passed... what is it like to say good-bye to those around you again and again? I am learning about the strength of the women in my family. Thank You, LORD, for this heritage.

Joy.

This was also Father's Day morning, the girls entertained daddy because he has to stay in bed and be served his breakfast. :) Ellie and Phoebe had helped with the coffee cake that was baking, and Nate was drug/dragged? out of bed to make eggs for breakfast burritos.

Growing people is even more fun and good for my heart than growing flowers and the garden! :)

Pics and more pics!

Here we are in Boise. With our own Boise address again. What a ride. And the theme of life right now seems to be, grace. Undeserved. We have so much more than we deserve. Know what I love? Besides that, which one can't help but love. When we moved to MT, we needed to, needed to bad. So, I loved everything I could love about being there. We were blessed there and how could we not be content?! Then when we began to be ready to move back, God waited for the perfect timing, and once we were finally able to, no looking back. We miss friends, yes, but we are thankful to be back. When we rest in God's timing, all is well. I never wonder if things could have or should have been different, and that is a blessing indeed. I have always wondered about the little house we lived in before we moved to MT, if I hadn't demanded my way, I am sure God had the perfect house waiting for us. Instead I had to hate the very thing that I demanded and then learn the hard way to be thankful. Have you ever watched a child throw a fit over something silly and had to smile to yourself. Yah, toddler=me, smiling and shaking his head=God.

Not a great pic, but here is the before(right) and after(left) pics of the dining room chairs. John shortened the tall backs and put cushion and nice upholstery

Lovely dogwood tree blossoms. I read once that God calls to our hearts with beauty. So very much understood that with this tree in full bloom. You know when something is so beautiful it brings almost an ache to your chest? And pictures of things aren't the same as in real life. And isn't there a lesson somewhere in there about this life being a reflection, just a reflection in a mirror, even a shadow would you believe, of the real thing? I thought once, what's wrong with a reflection? Its just as beautiful? But now I see, as with a picture, it is lifeless, without warmth. Not the real thing. And so, this life is just a shadow or reflection of the real thing to come? Whoa. WHOA.

First project in new Boise house - dining room. Slighly disturbing red wall gone, old battered up table painted, chairs all made-over. Oh, and red curtain replaced with sheer. Ahh, such a nice place to gather my fam for dinner! Planning to put the blue that is striped on the chair, on the wall. And tossing around the idea of built-in cabinet along wall...? And John is going to build a loooong bench seat for the wall side of the table, its going to be cushioned and have the upholstry to match the chairs, can't wait! :)

 

Look at my firstborn son. LOOK AT HIM! He is not a child. He is heartbeats away from... adulthood, manhood, out-on-his-own-hood... leaving me. There is that ache in my chest again. Can I say for the hundredth time, its so hard being the mama! As much as I love it and am so, so very thankful to be the mama, I am blessed more than I even can comprehend, its both life and sorrow to the mama's heart!

For years now I have been growing my desire for a garden. We had space in our yard on Jackson St before we moved away, but I had no strength for it. So many women do it, grow veggies and babies at the same time, not me. By the time I was about ready to start a garden, we moved and then it took me another couple of years there to start to think about it again, but the yard wasn't big and wasn't great for gardening. We were going to put in a few raised beds though... and then we moved, again. And this house has a ready to use garden plot, fenced in and piped for watering! Yeah! So, the Man spent a morning prepping it for us, I wish we had a before pic, it was full of weeds and a mess. He tilled and tilled, tilled in good stuff and smoothed it all into a ready canvas!

I told him when he does stuff around the house for us, its sexy. He likes that. ;-)

We are starting small this year, I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. Three tomato plants, an early, a late, and a small roma. A jalepeno. A red bell pepper for the girls, who ask for them so they can just cut them up and eat them. One cucumber plant. A row of green beans. A row of lettuce. Carrots and white onions. I will add another row of carrots every few weeks, as the packet of seeds instructed, so by the end it will be a little more full. So exciting!

My girls, who are already turning out better than me, thank God, were in the dirt helping, which I love! I told them I grew up with gardens, Nana and Papa had a lovely garden in Great Falls, but I don't think I stepped foot in it. They also had beautiful landscaped yards every where we lived, earned with much time on their knees in the dirt. And I never helped. So sad. Ellie took pics and drew out the garden for me, I am keeping a gardening journal, and she was right in there planting, as well. Love it, love it, love it!

Garden updates to follow!

Have a beautiful Summer!

Pics

The girls and Penny.

And the girls in the tree that is in the front yard.

The beautiful Dogwood tree in our backyard.

View of our backyard from the deck, chainlink fenced area is garden spot, so excited about that!

And we had so much fun getting together with friends that we have had for almost 20 years. The Smiths' hosted and we appreciated the time to reconnect with these families. Christiansons, Rices, Cobbs, Boockholdts, and Ostyns.

This is only a fraction of the kids, the older group, some of these were in nursery together! Nate, far left, Ellie in front with back to camera, then Jacob with Emily behind him, Brandon, then Nicole, Brandon Cobb and Eric. I had to really peer into some of these faces to find the child that I remembered there to recognize them! One of the things that I have really loved about moving back is seeing Nate get back together with kids that he grew up with. If my count is right there were 19 kids there in all, for our 7 families.

Some of the sweet friends that I got to catch up with; Wendy, Heather, Heidi, Sheri, Stephanie, and Jen. I have some history with these ladies! Wendy and I were in the hospital just doors down from each other, and had our firstborn the same day! Sheri and I went to high school together. Heidi and I have been in small groups together and cooking groups too! Jen and I have served beside each other in Awana and cooked together as well! Stephanie and her husband had one of the first Superbowl parties that I remember going to as a young married couple in the group that found ourselves at TVBC in the mid-late 90's. Heather and all of these dear girls and I have been on women's retreats, Bible studies, baby showers, sat in the cry room next to each other, taught one another's little ones in Sunday school classes, small groups, potlucks, church functions and many other occasions with each other over the past almost 20 years!(Minus the last 5 when our family was absent in MT, of course) That is some precious stuff there and I have come to appreciate it much more deeply since we moved back. The saying that you don' t know what you have until its gone, proved itself to me while we were away.

I am looking forward to what God has in store for us all now, I hope to spend more time with these women. Soon we will start attending graduations and not too long into the future the weddings will start. Oh, my.

(my sister-in-law got us this guy and a lilac plant for house warming gifts and I am keeping my out for his perfect little home in the yard, isn't he so cute!)

March into April

We are now the Formerly of MT Macs. (yay!)
Our journey to a foreign land has ended, and though we realize this land is also not our true Home, it feels so much closer to it because we are with our precious family again.
God blessed with 5+ years in Mt, He worked His magic hands on us while we were there and we wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Precious friendships were made. And though we loved and appreciated our family before we moved, we did, unknowingly, take for granted that we could see them whenever. So our appreciation of them has deepened.
When we and our U-Haul arrived the beginning of March, we split girls to my parents and boys to John's parents. We got the boys into school and the days and weeks ticked by. Finally, the beginning of April we moved into the house! Reunited and it feels so good!
The girls and I are finally back on a decent school schedule and making up time lost with extra lessons.
Jacob is in track and loves it. He also is trying some youth groups and enjoyed WyldLife this week. Nate is transitioning well and has been going to a youth group that old Boise friends attend.
We tried out a new church with some old friends, that was great, like being welcomed home.
We are here and ready to be here.

I do miss my dear friends in Mt, and when I get a job I will miss my old one at Brewster's, but right now I am enjoying sleeping in, which is lessening and lessening. When I was staying at my parents' I was sleeping in until almost 8 every day. I tried to feel guilty but I couldn't... After however many yrs of getting up early to be at work about 6 to open the coffee shop. And then living a month without John and single-parenting and trying to pack the house... oy. So I slept in. Now I am getting up just before 6, and it feels good. We are all sleeping well in the new house.
We are getting more and more settled in every week. There are fun things to do, like paint, work in the yard, plant a garden. I wish I could have my Miles City girlfriends over to chat and laugh or walk or meet at the park, etc.
We finally found the camera charge cord, so pics will come. The packing/unpacking thing... yah, I can do without that for quite a while. Like in about 15 yrs. Ha-ha.
I am looking forward to seeing family more, getting together with girlfriends, too. I have a kind of ready-made circle here with Sara, Joanna, Hallie, and Amber. Fun, fun! Plus re-connecting with other old friends...:)
God is so sweet, our life continues to be a testimony of His graciousness, as in UNdeserved favor. Undeserved. So u.n.d.e.s.e.r.v.e.d.

And I almost missed it!

My sweet girlfriends here in Miles City gathered together last night for a good-bye 'party', using quotes on that b/c usually a party is all fun and games, and as dear as this time was to me there was enough emotion flowing to dampen, literally, with some precious, precious tears, the thing and re-name it a sweet get together. I am abundantly thankful for these friendships. I cherish these women. God has used them to bless and grow my heart and last night will always be a sweet memory.
I had friends in Boise before we moved. We got in on something neat at our church there, in the 90's there was a young marrieds boom and we were part of it. We had a crowd of friends that were all newly married and starting there little families. We were in Young Married's Sunday School and Parenting classes with this group. We were in the 'Cry Room' beside each other, swapping maternity clothes, next to each other in the nursery, holding each other's babies, taking meals to each other after babies were born, going to Women's Bible Study together, shouldering diaper bags, raising each other's children in their little(actually the classes were plenty full, 15 little 2 year olds is enough!) Sunday School classes, and Awana, etc. We were doing life next to each other. And there are bonds there, bonds of doing life together. One of my friends, Chris, called it the Mommy Trenches, she would sign her notes of encouragement to me that way, "beside you in the Mommy Trenches". My friend, Brenda, says those years are crazy years and that is why my friendships now are different. I guess if we hadn't moved those friendships would have a chance these last few years to get deeper, but since we moved I formed those relationships with new friends. Some of those women probably did develop a new level of friendship with each other, and I hope they did.
I know part of the reason for me was letting God work His wonders on my heart, bringing me to a place where I could hear His voice say, 'Reach out to her, make friends with her.' And I would actually do it. I must have missed a blessing (or a hundred) before. But my God is faithful and here in Miles City, all glory to Him, I didn't miss a few! My dear friend Brenda is a lot UNlike me and I almost missed the blessing! But, thankfully, God whispered and this time I heard and believed, and she has become one of my closest friends. And I just remembered another of my closest friends here, Jamie, God gave her to me too! Starting a prayer group for moms and people kept mentioning her name to me, so, completely out of character for me, I walked up to a woman I didn't know and invited her to the prayer group! Crazy, sweet, amazing, wild God I have beside me. And my friend Vicki was another one, the Lord just kept nudging and nudging me and we became close friends too!
Last night some of my dear, dear Miles City friends came together, and they blessed me. It must be something like what the Bible talks about being anointed with oil, they blessed my heart, over and over and over again. What a privilege to experience the love and tender prayers flowing along with bittersweet tears of these sweet sisters in the Lord. What a glorious, extravagant blessing the Lord has bestowed. His lovingkindness reaches to the heavens, which makes the expansive state of Montana easy ground for Him. These girlfriends of mine lifted prayers to our Lord on my behalf and I will always remember and cherish that event in my life. One of many wonderous things God did with us, for us, to us here in Miles City, MT. Middle of Nowhere, USA.
Jackie was there, we have been friends since before we were married to our husbands. We went to each other's weddings and our first borns played together as babies. She has always been an encouragement and the friend who edifies, her love for the Lord and desire to follow Him is who she is. Marcy was there, our friendship started in Boise in a small group Bible study, and has grown over moves and years. Holly, a sweet gal here with her husband as missionary in the Baptist church, and once again, I just thought she was fine as I do with most women. "She is fine, she has friends. Maybe she doesn't need/want a friendship with me. Besides I don't talk to the friends I have enough." Nope. Reach out and be blessed by another woman! Precious. And Amber... sweet Amber, we were in a small group with Brenda, Jana, and Beckie (two more dear friends that couldn't make it last night and also are precious blessings to me!!) and husbands from the time soon after we moved here. These couples quickly became good friends, as often happens, studying the Word binds you with people. Amber is a darling, she is tender-hearted and I love her as I do each of these other women. Amber gave me the blessing of getting to take care of her babies and her family is dear to us. Her kids feel like part of my kids' family.
So, now off we go, back to Boise. I think of it as 'home' but as we learned from our Daniel bible study, Heaven is Home and while we are here we are sojourners in a foreign land, no matter what part of the land we are in, with family around us or not. I have tasted the sweetness of the Lord in this land and I do not want to miss what He has for me ever again, anywhere!
My Miles City girlfriends, I will love you and pray for you, thanking God for you upon every remembrance. I hope to see you again someday on this earth, but if I don't I look forward to catching up with you again One Day when we are all Home. You are precious to me, thank you for the blessing of your friendship and prayers and love.