However, now, in the latter part of the day, when I sit down to my computer and think to myself, "What was that that I was thinking of blogging about earlier today...?" I cannot remember. Maybe it was about Bible study this morning, but I don't think so. Maybe it was about life such as it is these days... recently starting a new job, how the kids are at this stage in the game, or possibly something about friendships, a new, more meaningful realationship with my women friends and what God is and has been doing in my life of late.
I have come to a place in life, by God's grace and continued precious work in my heart. He has taught me who I am in Him, or at least cleared much of the clutter off of my path with Him so that I have a better idea of who I am, of who He intended me to be when He thought of me before the foundation of the earth. I know He has much more to teach me but at least now I am not such a hindrance to my own growth. As a result of this, I desire and am able to function in deeper relationships with my friends. I didn't really have healthy relationships before our time in MT, I was too damaged and I had allowed my path to become so full of clutter that I couldn't see where I was going.
But God....
He is so good and kind and gentle and patient with me. He alone is sufficient for my heart.
It so happens that we lived in MT for this part of my teaching/journey with my Lord. He showed me things that were true about me, things that were not true about me, and things that were true but we could put an end to, Hallelujah and thank you, Jesus.
And a blessed result of this time is the ability to have closer relationships with friends. Which I experienced in MT with several women, whether they will endure our move back to ID I am not sure, a couple barely survive, one fairly strong. Apply lesson on some friendships being only for a time and a season or a place, not to endure. Accepted, sadly but accepted. I miss friends that I have had over the years but there is only One that I cannot live with out. Thank you for teaching me that one Lord.
I wish I could draw, because the visual that He gave me about my path with Him being cleared of so much rubble is so lovely. It is no longer so daunting, and though I am sure it will not be free of challenges and difficulties and tears, I do know that I am able to walk it now and I do not walk alone. Its almost cliche but I still had to learn it in a way that He could write it into my heart. It seems I learn things at one point and then some things I have to learn again later in a very personal way where my heart learns it and I am changed in some way.
Now I am ready to get real with some friends, authentic, deep, personal. I have talked about it with a couple and they are ready too. It seems I am not the only one who was caught up in trying to do the christian walk thing, trying too hard and then trying harder, not measuring up and very distracted by the measuring, until I was in so far over my head I couldn't be any kind of a blessing to anyone.
However my sweet Savior calls to my heart, over and over He whispers my name, in a song, in a teaching, in a Scripture, in a dear friend's hug, in a dearest friend's friendship itself! In an old acquaintence deepening friendship, in kindness, in beauty. How precious and dear is the sound of my Savior's call to my heart.... Adrian...Adrian...come My Daughter, come.
And the fog lifts, the anger fades, the smoke dissipates, the heaviness in my heart lightens, the frown on my mouth recedes, my entire face, neck and shoulders loosen... Lord, ah, Lord, help me, forgive me and help my unbelief. I have stumbled on something I dropped into my own path, help me Lord.
Lately He keeps using dear sweet women around me to call my name, to whisper to my heart... Adrian, see how your love her? It is Me in her that you love... turn to Me.
Oohhhh.... yes, Lord. Make me soft, may I be a blessing, I want to be sweet, I want to reflect You and Your beauty.
"She is clothed with strength and dignity and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness in on her tongue."Proverbs 31:25-26
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