delicious love

what do you LOVE?
I love my babies' sweet faces. I love their hugs. I love it when they make me laugh. I love it when they laugh and so much when they are having fun with each other. I still love how they smell after a bath/shower. (but that isn't really a hard one, haha) I love it when all my babies are in my house with me, and even better when their Daddy is here too. I love that Nate has found that he loves and is good at piano. Thanks in big part to some generous friends who gave him free lessons his first few years. I also love that he knows who he is and has self-confidence like I never had. I love it when they are brave, let's face it when they are more brave than me, which isn't hard at all. I love these busy days of running boys to football, and band practice, and girls to birthday parties and piano lessons. I am thriving in the very schedule I thought would drown me other years. Thank You, Lord.

I love that Nate is going to get his braces on next month and finally be on his way to a straightened out smile that he isn't self-conscious of. And I love his grandparents for helping us with that. I love that Phoebe loves to practice piano and her teacher said she is taking to it very easily and will probably be a natural, like Nate. I love, love listening to Nate play piano. I love my oven after the cleaning cycle. I love making dinner, once I have figured out what I am making. I love the music up loud. I love trusting the Lord with my children and not having to worry because He loves them abundantly and perfectly. I love when I finally find the outfit that is 'me'. I love opening up the coffee shop and giving people their coffee and a smile! I love to daydream about the future and how things will be when I am old...er. :)
I love knowing my husband and I will never divorce. I love talking to my sister, mom, sister in law, and mother in law on the phone. I love when my husband talks to his brothers on the phone. I love getting together with a friend and praying and hugging and talking and laughing. I love having people over to our house. I love getting a room made over and finished off. I love drawing house plans and daydreaming about having a house just outside of town with a little land around us to play on and plant on. I love that Nate will take driver's ed this very year! I love how God has taught us and grown us and stretched us and blessed us. I love watching my kids read. I love having women come to bible study and praying for them and hoping to encourage them and scootch them just that much closer to our sweet, great God. I love listening to our baptist preacher get all worked up over the Word and our awesome God and His love for us.

I love listening to my husband and our dear friend lead us in worship with their voice and guitar. I love when my punkins measure themselves up against me, they are growing and that is good! Praise God! I love hearing them sing in church!!! I love waking up to the aroma of coffee and getting up before anyone else to have a cup with my Jesus and His Word. I love to pray for my babies. I love making my kids or my husband laugh! I love to get a workout in. I love a corny, happy ending. I love reading my friends' blogs.

And I love going to bed early! I love lavender. I love my special blanket. I love homemade soap. I love to read. And I love ...love!

Motherhood: It's not for the weak.

Don't get me wrong,

 I am not claiming to be strong. But I can tell you, my God is, praise Him. 

Motherhood has about done me in about... a gazillion times, yep, about exactly a gazillion times. Thankfully, over time my good and sovereign God has ground away more and more of me and begun to work me over into a shape more resembling the me He intended, a me that looks more like Him, praise Him!

Truthfully, I could not have gotten this far without Him, and almost didn't! In spite of me, He has been faithful to bring us along to the most wonderful we have been yet! He keeps growing us and removing uglies and healing yuckies (official mama terms) and growing loveliness and beauty in each of us. 

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I only ever wanted to be a mama. When my friends were talking about college and what they were gonna be when they 'grew up', I kinda would panic inside, I only wanted to get married and have me some babies! Well, thankfully God had the same plan b/c soon I was knee deep in my 'dream', only it isn't all snuggles and nuzzles, baby!!!

If not for grace and a merciful, faithful God, me, my kiddos, and my husband would have been a monumental mess by now! But we aren't! Yay! 

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So this morning, I got up out of bed, knelt down with my cup of coffee and thanked my God for these and prayed for them. Then, later, after a great morning and a prayer for them all from their Daddy, I kissed my oldest baby good-bye and he smiled, laughed, walked off to high school. My second born son, I reminded to be a warrior against evil and FOR good! He said, Mhm, and took his cute freckled face off to 6th grade with a bounce in his step. Oldest daughter had already spied her friends and run ahead to join them, her eyes twinkling and all lit up in a new first day of school outfit. And the youngest, holds my hand and off she and I walk to her school. She stays close, asks a few times if I am going to stay with her and walk in to her class with her. She hugs me and hugs me again, and I hug her right back, holding on tight to this moment that will not stay. Well I think this is the way it goes, the youngest tugs at my heart, not because you love your youngest any more than the others, may it never be! But the youngest... I don't know what it is, just the ending of times and things, the last first tooth lost, the last first day of kindergarten, the last... the Last. And as I dab the tears from the corners of my eyes, holding back tears and unable to speak for my heart in my throat, my only consolation, the only thing that lifts the heaviness from my chest and gives my breath back, is this; my God is with them. He goes with them, He has plans for these and loves them spectacularly more than I am able. Hallelujah. I can kiss my baby good-bye, after walking her into her 2nd grade class and leave her there, among all those people who don't love her as much I do, because I know her God loves her more. Whew! 

The things a mother's heart has to go through! And it has just begun for me. All my heart has had to do is leave my babies at school, my friends hearts have had to watch their children go through hard stuff! How do you watch your baby have their heart wounded or experience loss or rebellion! Ugh. 

He prepares me with this: 

"Be patient, therefore brethren, until the coming of the Lord. Behold, the farmer waits for the precious produce of the soil, being patient about it, until it gets the early and late rains. You too be patient; strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.' James 5:7-8

Patience, until my precious produce receive their early and late rains. Strengthen my heart... this is a repeated theme, something we are to do. Strengthen our hearts. So today, when I have kissed my babies and left them and I struggle to hold it together, He reminds me to strengthen me heart, for He is with them! 

He. is. with. them. 

And my heart grows a tiny bit stronger, thank You, Lord. 

Happy Birthday, Ellie!

My gorgeous, beautiful baby girl...

Elisha Chloe-Nichole

She is a magical dream. She makes you believe in the gold at the end of the rainbow. 

She makes you wonder if unicorns are real. 

She sparkles and fairy wings.

There is a twinkle in her eye and her cute perfect little nose crinkles when she laughs, especially when its her mischievous giggle.

Butterflies and twinkles.

Pink, Purple, and Glittery.

Thank you, Lord, for this precious gift. 

10 years ago today she was born. 

I trust You with her, I know You love her even more than I do and You know the plans You have for her, plans for a future and a hope. Thank you for Your perfect love. May she know and love You with all of her heart. 

XOXO

My Photo Book Jul 10 2010

Click here to view this photo book larger

My BABY!

Dreamy, I think. I get lost in this picture...

This one stole Daddy's heart. And who could resist?!

I had no idea what my amazing God had in store for me when He knit this one together!

She is like nothing I have ever known. I adore her. And she is 8 years old! 8! Eight! How can she be eight? Where has the time gone since I had my fourth baby? Where did that little red-headed baby girl go? Who is the amazing creation of God who measures herself up against me and is almost up to my neck?! She is awesome. She loves horses and wants to live on a ranch when she grows up. She does not like dresses, or skirts, she doesn't even like a skort now and then. She is only into dress-up when the 'dressing up' is into spiderman, cowboy, ninja, etc. She wore a ski-mask yesterday into the store with me. She wants to wear her cowboy boots with everything. She has the temper to match the rumors about red-heads. She loves to snuggle at bedtime. She misses me when I am away from her. She HAS to kiss Daddy good-bye when he leaves. She misses her family. She wants to be with the boys and do what they are doing. She is trying to learn to skateboard, like Jacob. She also wants to learn piano, like Nate. 

She recently said to me, she doesn't see how her face is cute. Pierced my heart! Shocking partly because people are always commenting on how cute she is. So we are trying to root that doubt out. 

Thanking God for her on her birthday! Wondering what works and good plans God has for her. Can't wait to visit her ranch someday and ride horses with her! 

Yesterday she asked me if ranches cost more than a house. Lord, I love her.

Misc...

So, this is my strainer. Why? You ask? Because my mother used before me and she got it from her mother. You know? We don't have many things like that, I don't think most people do anymore. So, I love it. I use it often and I love to wonder of the stories it could tell of thousands of dinners passed. My mother and grandmother both grasped the handles in the same place I do. My mother ate the very meals that my grandma prepared with it, and my sister and I ate meals that my mother prepared with it. I think it is neat to think about, and, yes, I am surely becoming more and more sentimental as years go by. Ha! My grandma raised 4 children, 2 boys followed by 2 girls, like the family I am raising. I love that!

Here is a cute pic of Pheebs, ready for another summer day of play and friends!

and this is me doodling on my hand, the kind of tattoo I would get... but probably never will. :) It is just a vine with little leaves and a flower. The curling at the bottom says 'jesus' in cursive and after this pic I added the Scripture reference Is 46:19 which says, "Behold I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands." The word for Inscribed actually means something like 'cut into'. Precious words, I think. 

My Jacob

My Jacob.

12 years ago, on July 12, 1998, our son was born. 

Here is my first journal entry in his book:

"We didn't know we could love another like we love Nathan. We weren't sure how you could be as cute without looking the same... So much love for you... such an adorable boy! What fun.

You were due July 11th- early the next morning- I was in the early stages of labor- later in the morning we took Nate to Nana and Papa's and went to the hospital - we walked around the halls, sat in the jacuzzi, hard labor came and in late afternoon, 5:29 p.m. you were born!! 

Your name was decided on in the delivery room, after you were born. Nana and Mimi were there with Daddy. You have big sweet smiles they show in your eyes too which are blue as the ocean like Nate's and you have a temper to match your hair! :)

So little Cubbie... what will you be like? Will you be a clown? Or a serious one? Will you be tall? Will you like sports? Will you like books like Mommy? What will you enjoy? What will you love? Will your heart be sensitive to God? I pray that it will ...

I love my Little Red..."

I am so thankful for this boy. One journal entry says he is wild at heart and that is true. He is also tender-hearted and loving. I love that God saw fit to bless us with this amazing person. I love to talk with God about him and wonder what things He has for Jacob Anthony McNamara. How much He has done in our lives, my heart, through him. Thank you, Lord.